Movie Review: The Day the Earth Stood Still

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL
Main Players: Keanu Reeves, Jennifer Connelly, Kathy Bates, et al.
Calling the shots: Scott Derrickson
Running time: 103mins
What's it about? An alien in the form of Keanu Reeves arrives on Earth with a robot named G.O.R.T. Is this an invasion or a warning of some kind? It becomes apparent that he is here to exterminate us for the way we treat the Earth. Enter scientist Jennifer Connelly to try and convince him that “we can change”. Blah!

What did I think? Okay, okay, so even the plot sounds terrible. But the trailer looked good, alright? Oh how terribly misguiding it was as; ladies and gentlemen! Here lies quite possible the worst movie you are ever likely to see.

Where to start; asides from the flimsy plot, the flow of the film is completely non-existent. Usually films will have its ups and downs. A big action scene might bring the excitement. Then it might tail off and be lifted again when the emotions run high with a dramatic scene. This has none of that! It’s the most monotone film you will see. It’s like a car that’s never able to get out of first gear. It feels like the film ends with out anything REALLY happening. Sure there are things on the screen, but there’s no emotion.

The performances are just as bland. Keanu Reeves does his usual expressionless schtick (which the roll probably calls for) but his face literally doesn’t change until he is forced to squint because wind blows in his face. Jaden Smith, who was so adorable and cute in ‘Pursuit of Happyness’ is just completely annoying and Jennifer Connelly phones it in like she’d rather be somewhere else (and who’d blame her?).

The only thing that was mildly amusing was the special effects. Watching a truck and a stadium disintergrate is about all the excitement there is. The rest is essentially dumb characters and worse dialogue; with splatters of unnecessary product placement, pointless biblical references and a “go green” message.

Two things happened that rarely happens to me: a). I almost fell asleep (and it was from fatigue) and b). I was ready to walk out about twenty minutes into the film. If that’s not saying something, I don’t know what is. Seriously, the only things I enjoyed were: my Raspberry choc top (mmmmmm) and when the lights came on. Avoid this like the plague! (And THAT is not a biblical reference!)

5% (it gets credit for even making it to the big screen)

Movie Review: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
Main Players: Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Taraji P. Henson, et al.
Calling the shots: David Fincher
Running time: 159mins
What's it about? Born as an 80 year-old baby, Benjamin is abandoned on the doorsteps of a nursing home in the heart of New Orleans. However, to everyone’s surprise, as he ages, he in fact grows more youthful. We follow his most unusual and extraordinary journey of life, love and loss, and learn that’s it’s “the moments” that count.

What did I think? So much buzz and so much hype about this movie as the award season officially rolls in. Nominated for 5 Golden Globe awards (including best picture, director and actor), Benjamin Button is a flawed but overall amazing film.

This movie is just simply put, brilliantly made. David Fincher needs to be commended. The tone is already set even before the title comes up. The effects in this film are incredible. Making days gone by seem natural but at the same time bringing that nostalgic feel to it. The imagery is incredible. As is the make up used to age (or de-age) the characters are almost flawless (though Brad Pitt does a little “plastic” at one stage).

The performances are also impressive. Led by an always underrated Pitt (working with Fincher for the third time) and the super reliable Blanchett, they seem to share great chemistry which elevate their performances that much further. Didn’t think Pitt deserved a nomination, but if he deserved one, so did Blanchett. The supporting cast is just as impressive as they bring the required emotion to each and every scene.

In comparison its flaws will seem like an after thought. The film does at times feel overly long and draggy. Benjamin’s “curious case” is never REALLY explained (asides from a connection to a clock that ticks backwards) and seems to just be “accepted” by everyone he meets. As in what’s happening to him IS INCREDIBLE! But nobody cares.

Going into this movie, I was worried about how they end it. I am happy to report that it does reach a very worthy, heartfelt and somewhat sad ending that wraps the film up very well. It’s not something that will blow your mind, but it is filmmaking at its best and one to keep an eye out for come Oscar time.

70%

Movie Review: Slumdog Millionaire

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
Main Players: Dev Patel, Freida Pinto, Anil Kapoor, et al.
Calling the shots: Danny Boyle (with co-director: India) Loveleen Tandan
Running time: 120mins
What's it about? Jamal is on the brink of a fairytale. He is on the last question of India’s version of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”. When the show wraps for the night, he is kidnapped and interrogated on suspicion of cheating. As the questioning begins it slowly becomes apparent that this boy from the slums might be destined to win it all.

What did I think? Such a pity that films like this will never get the recognition that it requires. Well, maybe except during award season but it won’t make much at the box office. But it’s not all about the money…right?

The film is masterfully crafted (feels like I use that phrase a lot). The look of the movie is fantastic and it flows well. In lesser hands, the jumping timeline could have become a confusing and muddled mess, but under the guidance of Danny Boyle there’s no such issue. It is quite different from his other works (‘28 Days Later…’, ‘Trainspotting’) in theme but definitely the same style.

The relative unknown cast (correct me if I’m wrong, they are unknowns to me), do a marvelous job. They make complex characters seem everyday and somewhat relatable. You want him to win in the end because, gosh darn it, he deserves it.

It’s not completely without its flaws. The movie lacks a real “wow” moment. Even in its climatic moments, it lacks a certain “snap” and it’s almost rather confusing and pointless. The soundtrack also as good as it is, at times feels inappropriate and rather random. They also completely overplay the “fate/destiny” hand, so if that type of things doesn’t tickle your fancy, it might rub you the wrong way (that whole sentence sounded wrong).

It’s an enjoyable arthouse film. One of those movies you are unlikely to see again but it’s definitely worth your time. It’s thought provoking and makes you want to believe in destiny and fate. A hidden gem; in amongst the rubbish that gets released these days.

70%

Movie Review: Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

MADAGASCAR: ESCAPE 2 AFRICA
Main Players: Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, Jada Pinkett Smith, et al.
Calling the shots: Eric Darnell & Tom McGrath
Running time: 89mins
What's it about? Picking up pretty much right off from the original, our favourite castaways are about to make their way home; by sling-shot plane. As the title suggests they don’t quite make it back to their home, by they do crash land in their “home”...if you catch my drift. Let the laughter and discovery of their roots and friendships begin.

What did I think? I love my animations. Call me a big kid, but I always look forward to them. I am therefore vindicated when they turn out to be as good as this and it’s rare for a film these days, but I think it out does its predecessor.

Two major things work for this film. The entire original cast is back. Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, Jada Pinkett Smith and David Schwimmer all reprise their roles and that kind of thing is always a blessing for a sequel. With the addition of some other strong voice talents (Alec Baldwin and the late Bernie Mac) it brings a certain fun to the film.

The second is the fact that not all the jokes are lame or rely completely on slap-stick as most “family” films tend to do. A lot of the jokes are actually quite mature/smart and it gets just as much airtime as the, afore mentioned, slap-stick humour. So it satisfies both adults and kids alike and it’s probably fair to say, my friends and I laughed the loudest in the cinema.

There is literally so much to enjoy in this film. The penguins, the monkeys, the shark, Mort and King Julian constantly provide the laughs. It sounds like I’m running of a list of animals but they are much funnier than the main characters. The annoying characters are actually the humans in the film, particular the old-lady who kind of out stays her welcome.

As enjoyable as the original was, this one improves on it by leaps and bounds. Better animation, better characters, better everything! So take your kids, cousins, nieces, nephews, friends or whoever you need to take. It’ll definitely be worth it.

70%

Movie Review: Four Holidays

FOUR CHRISTMASES (FOUR HOLIDAYS)
Main Players: Vince Vaughan, Reese Witherspoon, Robert Duvall, et al.
Calling the shots: Seth Gordon
Running time: 88mins
What's it about? A very dysfunctional couple, who've been avoiding seeing their families on Christmas get caught on camera, stranded at the airport. In comes the phone calls and before you know it, they agree to spend Christmas with their families. ALL FOUR OF THEM. Cue the laughs and the discovery of the strength of their relationship. And blah, blah, blah...

What did I think? As you can probably tell already by my tone (or not) this movie is very very average. Nothing about it is all that new and because of that, it fails to really leave an impression. One thing that really makes you wonder is why they even bothered to change the title for the Australian release...

Another problem is that it is absolutely predictable. The visits to the individual families are funny in parts but with each visit, it becomes less and less funny and by the end of it, it's almost like the filmmakers had lost interest as well; with the last visit not even raising a laugh. Along the way it gets distracted by a stock-standard plot turn about: what do they really know about each other? Is there a future? etc. etc. The usual stuff.

Thankfully, because of it running out of gas it has a mercifully short running time. The other impressive aspect is it's incredible supporting cast. The parents are literally played by who's who of veteran actors. Robert Duvall, Mary Steenburgen, Sissy Spacek and Jon Voight; all take turns in trying to make us laugh. Though like I said, by the time Jon Voight shows up it's not very funny.

Vince Vaughan tries to do his usual schtick, and for a while it works. But then it seems like he just talks and talks and becomes quite annoying. Reese is quite enjoyable because she's done so many of these but together, they seem to lack a certain chemistry.

This movie does have a very "holiday" feel to it and it's no wonder it's out-done Twilight, Quantum, Australia and HSM3 in the states. With the stars involved it has wide appeal. It's a pity it doesn't have much else.

30%

Movie Review: Australia

AUSTRALIA
Main Players: Nicole Kidman, Hugh Jackman, David Wenham, et al.
Calling the shots: Baz Luhrmann
Running time: 165mins
What's it about? In the Northern Territory just as WW2 had begun, Lady Ashley arrives from England to take over her husband’s cattle property. With the help of the Drover and a half-caste boy, she soon falls for the way of the Australian life and brings the property back to prosperity. Drama and tragedy promises to follow.

What did I think? Can I just say that my arse is fine and I didn’t even take a toilet break. That’s for those naysayers who say the movie is too long etc, etc. It is a long movie, but it is made so well you can overlook it.

It is better though if you can appreciate the “over-the-top”-ness and the melodrama involved rather than laugh or mock it. The acting is often borderline corny and a lot of the lines delivered with exaggerated accents (Aussie or otherwise). The lavish background looks majestic but definitely computerized and the set pieces are often dramatized for full effect (see the Kangaroo and Stampede scenes). The result is a fantastic combination of drama, comedy, love, tragedy and emotion.

There is a certain grandness to proceedings. And as I mentioned early the story will grab your attention and the time will pass quicker than you think. Luhrmann also handles every aspect of it with respect and shows love for his home country.

It literally stars a who’s who of Aussie male actors. They are all cast pretty well. Hugh Jackman earns his sexiest men alive tag in this film and it is quite possibly Nicole Kidman’s best role. Brandon Walters who plays Nullah, the half-caste boy, is wonderful and his is quite adorable as well. David Wenham plays against type and does it well.

This movie has completely bombed in the states and it’s not hard to see why. It hasn’t got the wide spreading appeal that will attract audiences. Instead it’s more like a beautiful and wonderfully crafted tribute to the country will all call home. Australia.

70%

Movie Review: Quarantine

QUARANTINE

Main Players: Jennifer Carpenter, Steve Harris, Jay Hernandez, et al.

Calling the shots: John Erick Dowdle

Running time: 89mins

What's it about? A TV crew following the night shift of a couple of Fire Fighters get when they bargained for when they follow the duo to a call. Without warning they are trapped within the building from the outside by government officials and are confronted with a building full of residents on edge and a mysterious symptom that begins to spread.

What did I think? The format of the film; first person, shaky camera, home-video style, that we've already seen this year in 'Cloverfield' works much better for a horror movie like this and it shows why. You feel the panic, the helpless-ness and it's bloody full on.

The plot is nothing new, a virus that spreads making people into aggressive zombie-like creatures. But it's still one of the better horror movies out there. I guess that's not much of a consolation with the junk out there nowadays. Still it is very watchable and it's intense. The start drags a little, the happening at the fire station is rather boring and you with they'd just get on with it. It does build the characters well though and the fact that they've no idea about the night they are about to have.

The relative unknown cast work for this. If you see a Zac Ehron or a Jessica Alba on screen you'd almost groan. They beautiful people to look at, maybe, but it would take the effect out from the whole movie. But digress. Following 'Hostel', I guess Jay Hernandez has a taste for horrors. He does his usual shtick. Everyone else is good because they don't stand out in anyway, they just play their roles. Jennifer Carpenter though, gets on your nerves. You almost hope a character slaps some sense into her. Though given the situation the hysteria is justified.

I heard the chatter during the film and people were complaining about the movie being in-and-out of focus and the shaky-ness. Dude, I guess you guys just missed the point of the movie. The climactic "night-vision" scene is very tense, harks back to 'The Silence of the Lambs'.

Incidentally, this is apparently a carbon-copy remake of the Spanish horror movie '[REC]'. Haven't seen it yet but I'm curious to find out why they bothered.

So, check it out if you're a horror fan but if you're not and you hated the likes of 'Cloverfield' or 'Blair Witch...' or anything zombie related, stay away.

60%

Movie Review: Sex Drive

SEX DRIVE
Main Players: Josh Zuckerman, Amanda Crew, Clark Duke, et al.
Calling the shots: Sean Anders
Running time: 109mins
What's it about? A teenager meets a chick online. He is promised his wildest desires if he can drive cross country and reach her in time. So, with his two best friends in tow, he steals his jerk of a brother's car and sets out on his journey to lose his virginity, once and for all. Que the hilarious escapades of a horny teenager.

What did I think? It's a big welcome back to the days of 'American Pie'. What was once a dead genre, replaced nowadays by more smarter, mature comedies (such as 'Superbad', etc.), is back in full force with this one.

If you're anything like me or aged anywhere close to me you'll be groaning through out this film. It literally makes you feel "too old for this shit". That's not to say, it's a total lost cause. There are moments of hilarity but it seems a lot less mature and you're almost embarassed for laughing along with it. The more subtle scenes are absolutely funny (see the Armish folk, led by Seth Green).

The mostly unknown cast do a decent job with the material but then again, it wouldn't have been that hard. James Marsden plays against type as the jerk/jock brother and he is actually pretty funny. Seth Green as I mentioned before is great with his sarcasm/non-sarcasm act, you can never really tell with what his saying. There are some other veteran actors lending a hand and probably making it more watchable.

It's a completely dumb movie. But that's what it's meant to be. It does pretty well on the laughter factor, but it is clearly targeted at a particular age group and it shows it.

40%

Movie Review: Quantum of Solace

QUANTUM OF SOLACE
Main Players: Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko, Mathieu Amalric, et al.
Calling the shots: Marc Forster
Running time: 106mins
What's it about? James Bond is back! Picking up right where it left off in ‘Casino Royale’, a grief-stricken and vengeful Bond is on the hunt for the organization behind the death of his love. The man to catch Bond’s attention is Dominic Greene, an environmentalist with sinister plans to take control of a country’s water supply.

What did I think? Before anything happens in this movie, the hype (and how much you care) will determine how much you enjoy this movie. Having said that; my first reaction coming out was one of disappointment. But then you let it sink in and you can really appreciate the movie for what it is.

Gone are the days of previous Bond films when it seemed to take the piss and it was more or less a fun vanity movie. Ever since Daniel Craig has taken over in ‘Casino Royale’, it has become more serious and “real”, so to speak. This one is no different. It might not be quite as action-packed as the first, but it is definitely more brutal and intense. It reminded me of “Bourne Ultimatum” in terms of its feel and action.

There are some dramatic scenes that are handled well and therefore doesn’t at all feel out of place. The credit has to go the director, who’s most recent movie before this was ‘The Kite Runner’.

After being voted the best Bond ever, Daniel Craig plays Bond like the gritty action hero that he should be. Olga Kurylenko, not your typical Bond girl, brings a strong fiery presence to the screen. What’s better is that both are hot! Mathieu Amalric, plays the villain as best he can with what he is given (which is not much, possibly the most unremarkable villain ever).

It has points taken off for not including the famous “Bond, James Bond” line and the gun shot to the screen sequence which is relegated to the end. For Bond fans it’s a must, but for those that aren’t it’s still a very good action movie.

80%

Movie Review: Mirrors

MIRRORS
Main Players: Kiefer Sutherland, Paula Patton, Amy Smart, et al.
Calling the shots: Alexandre Aja
Running time: 110mins
What's it about? A cop forced into retirement after a mishap, takes a job as a night watchman at an abandoned and burned down department store. He soon realizes that the mirrors in the department store aren’t what they seem and his predecessors have all died because of them. Can he reveal the true behind the mirrors before it’s too late for him and his family?

What did I think? Hollywood has a habit of churning out Asian horror remakes and often not very good ones. Having said that, this remake of a Korean horror movie is not bad, if not particularly good either.

I suppose that’s not saying much because personally, I haven’t seen the original so I have nothing to base my opinions. But with Alexandre Aja (‘The Hills Have Eyes’, ‘High Tension’) behind the lens you are at least guaranteed some horror violence, and in that regard he won’t disappoint. It’s not as violent as his previous films, but the violence is definitely there. Turn away if you’re squeamish in the opening scene and Amy Smart’s bathroom scene (sounds like a contradiction but trust me).

The other surprising aspect of this is that the reason behind the happening is not like your usual Asian horror (a bit vague, but don’t want to give it away). It also has some decent chills and might make you think twice before staring too long into a mirror again. It does become a bit of an action movie in the final act, but it is handled fairly well.

It’s hard to see Kiefer Sutherland out of his “Jack Bauer” character but he does just what he needs to, as does the rest of the cast, and the child actors proving to be the creepiest as always.

The ending you’ll see coming but it isn’t any less creepy and it is well executed that you’ll probably appreciate it. Not the best horror but for a remake it’s passable.

50%

Movie Review: Lemon Tree

ETZ LIMON (LEMON TREE)
Main players: Hiam Abbass, Ali Suliman, Rona Lipaz-Michael, et al.
Calling the shots: Eran Riklis
Running time: 106mins
What's it about? When the defence minister moves in next door and is advised that the lemon grove owed by a widow is a security risk, she must do what ever it takes to protect the lemon grove, that has been in her family for generations, from being chopped down. With the help of a local lawyer she goes up against the government to stand up for her rights and her lemon grove.

What did I think? Based on a true story, this has more of a political agenda then I would have liked, but it still is a well made drama. The emotion of the situation is present through out the film and it also touches on other issues, such as the forbidden love-relationship between the widow and her lawyer, and the overall pointless-ness of it all.

There is also an unspoken bond between the two female leads. The widow and the defence minister's wife (who sympathises with her). They never have a conversation in the movie, but the connection is as strong as anything else and the credit there has to go to the actors. They all seem to invest emotionally into their roles and it shows with each performance as great as the next.

Story wise, it moves along quite smoothly. No particular peaks or troughs. Some of the subplots are well handled (the love-relationship) but at certain points poorly handled. The light that shines on them as they share a forbidden kiss is all too tacky. The message would have been loud and clear with out it.

It's not a great film but it is good. The ending is rather sad and finishes with a lingering image that speaks volumes about the real life situation in that area.

60%

Movie Review: The Grocer's Son

LE FILS DE L'ÉPICIER (THE GROCER'S SON)

Main Players: Nicolas Cazalé, Clotilde Hesme, Daniel Duval, et al

Calling the shots: Eric Guirado

Running time: 96mins

What's it about? A thirty-something son of a grocer, struggling with life and stuck in a dead-end job, reluctantly returns to his home-country town to help run his parents' Grocery store after his father has a heart attack. With his friend (and potential love-interest) in tow, the town he left becomes his oasis and he rediscovers what life should be about.

What did I think? Trust the French. A lot of French made films have a certain charm, a certain magic to it that is undeniable. This one is no different and it has a very calming effect. You watch and you let it just take you away, it really is pure magic.

The cast of characters that appear in the film are all wonderful, if somewhat cliched, but you don't really care. Think about all the eldery people you can think that might live in a sleepy little country town and they will appear. The grumpy, the deaf, the senial. It's done so beautifully you are enchanted by everyone. The lead characters do a good job as well. The character of Claire is central to the whole change that is brought upon the movie and Antoine goes from an arse to a likeable young man.

The other major star of this film is the picture-esque scenery. It is always present but never overshot. Combined with the soundtrack it has that soothing/calming effect I was referring to earlier. And because the film doesn't rely too heavily on it, it works well each time their is a long take.

As with any film though, something needs to happen and the issues that lay beneath the characters are very real and well handled. The broken family, unacquainted love, a marriage falling apart. It detracts from the charm of the film, but all play a vital role in making the movie what it is.

It's a wonderful movie to just watch and relax. If anything else, it will make you think about life and what you should be doing with it. And for a movie to do that, it take something special.

70%

Movie Review: Traitor

TRAITOR
Main Players: Don Cheadle, Guy Pearce, Saïd Taghmaoui, et al.
Calling the shots: Jeffrey Nachmanoff
Running time: 114mins
What's it about? Samir Horn (Cheadle) is a Sudan-raised American. He’s just been imprisoned for selling illegal weapons to suspected terrorists. The FBI is curious about him, but when he and a group of terrorists escape and start to plot their next attack, they go into overdrive. But nothing is what it seems…which side is he really on?

What did I think? So soon after ‘Body of Lies’ comes another “anti-terrorism” movie. This one is different, in that we see the set up from both sides of the field, FBI and the terrorists, as we struggle to figure out which side Horn really is on. This absolutely works for the film. From the trailers it is indicated that he is on the FBI side, but as the story unfolds you question that at certain junctures and the intrigue rolls on.

It is masterfully handled by the director, but unfortunate as it is, the pace of the film has been sacrificed for good story telling as the film tends to feel overly long and fairly slow at certain points.

In comes Don Cheadle to save the day really. He’s performance is terrific and everything the film promises to deliver is essentially conveyed through him. Indeed “the truth is complicated” and it’s his performance that keeps us guessing. Guy Pearce is back from oblivion and as good as he is; he is completely overshadowed by Cheadle and to that extent, seemed very much underutilized. Jeff Daniels, more known for his comedic roles, has an important but short lived role that doesn’t even get a chance to flourish.

It’s definitely not the best in it’s genre but it is solid. The intrigue is there and it will keep you interested through out. But it’s slow pace can potentially undo all the hard work. The ending is well handled and staged, and would have had a “wow” effect to it, had it not been for the unintentional laughter it raised in the theatre.

60%

Movie Review: RocknRolla

ROCKNROLLA
Main Players: Gerard Butler, Mark Strong, Tom Wilkinson, et al.
Calling the shots: Guy Ritchie
Running time: 114mins
What's it about? Theirs are a few storylines here, but all you need to know is there’s a loan shark, his most loyal henchman, bunch of “touch guys”, an always drugged up rocker, some badass Russian and a “lucky painting”. Oh and an accountant. Yep it’s your regular Guy Ritchie British comedy/crime romp.

What did I think? Fans of Guy Ritchie rejoice! After blowing you away with ‘Lock Stock…’ and ‘Snatch’ and stinking up the cinemas with ‘Swept Away’ (starring his, now, ex-wife Madonna) and ‘Revolver’ (unreleased in Australia), his back to form with RocknRolla.

It definitely has his personal touch to it, especially in terms of the story and how it is constructed. There are so many characters and side-plots introduced that it almost becomes overload. But in true Guy Ritchie style, it all somehow comes together and makes sense, giving us an enjoyable ride in the process. It’s a double-edged sword because they could have made separate movies involving each character.

There’s a cool visual style to it as well. The grainy feel to it and the camera work during the chase scene between One-Two (the name of one of the characters) and the Russians are unique and all together exciting (and funny).

The actors in this are fantastic as well. Every character is well cast in their roles and do terrific jobs bring them to life. Mark Strong as Archie is awesome and so it Toby Kebbell as Johnny Quid. Even the token Americans (Jeremy Piven and Ludacris) play a vital part in it all.

It’s somewhere between both his two first movies; the feel and crime aspect of ‘Lock Stock…’ and the funny, mass character involvement of ‘Snatch’. It’s not as high paced as I’d hoped but still definitely a fun ride to be had. It stalled slightly towards the end but not enough for you to care because of what’s come before.

70%

Movie Review: Saw V

SAW V
Main Players: Tobin Bell, Costas Mandylor, Scott Patterson, et al.
Calling the shots: David Hackl
Running time: 92mins
What's it about? The fifth installment of the “Saw” franchise sees the handy works of Jigsaw continue, despite the fact that he’s been dead for the last two films. Nevertheless with only two agents left, who were connected to the original Jigsaw case, who is the next victim and who is continuing the legacy?

What did I think? Another year, another ‘Saw’ movie. It doesn’t feel all that long since two RMIT graduates introduced the world to ‘Saw’ but it has most definitely been five years now. And believe it or not, I'm a fan!

With the franchise having lost it’s “zang” since it’s first installment, the ‘Saw’ series has becomes more or less about seeing what kind of sadistic traps they’ll come up with this time and trying to pick the plot twists that always inevitably comes at the end. In that regard, the film doesn’t let you down.

It is a ‘Saw’ movie, and if you’ve seen the rest of them, you pretty much know what to expect. That’s also its problem. The formula has almost become like clockwork, so unless you’ve seen the rest of it or know about it, you’ll completely be lost in the plot. The movies doesn’t even try to win over new fans (okay, it sort of does with unnecessary flashbacks), but the plot leaves it up to the memories of the views to know what’s going on.

The series has also used pretty much no names since the first installment and that doesn’t change here. It’s full of those “oh-I-know-that-person-from-that-show” actors, but none that you’ll likely to remember. Which probably serves the movie well, given it’s pretty terrible script.

As with the others in the series, it’s not for the weak of heart. Well, in that case it’s not FOR anybody. But if you’re a fan of the series it is a must, because they are all connected and lets just say, it FINALLY feels like it’s going to end…though I’ve heard stories that they plan to make up to Saw VIII!

40%

Movie Review: How to Lose Friends & Alienate People

HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS & ALIENATE PEOPLE
Main Players: Simon Pegg, Kirsten Dunst, Jeff Bridges, et al.
Calling the shots: Robert B. Weide
Running time: 110mins
What's it about? A British journo gets an opportunity of a life time to cross the pond to New York City to work for a trendy magazine. He soon learns that in order to move up in this world he needs to break out of his carefree, tell it like is ways. But are the opportunities that lie ahead enough to go against his beliefs? Oh, there’s a rom-com element in there too…

What did I think? Based on the memoirs of a real life British Journo who made the trek back in the 1990s, at its best it is absolutely hilarious. But down to the very core, it’s a stock standard romantic comedy with a script that is not sharp enough and a plot that is too predictable to hold its ends up.

Sidney Young (Pegg) is a doofus or a twat (as the Brits would say). The things he does and continues to get away with is baffling; although it is pretty funny. He should be a character that is easily unlikeable but the fish out of water element and Pegg’s performance makes him hard to hate. He has a charismatic touch that is undeniable, which helps the movie.

The rest of the cast are cast fairly well. Kirsten Dunst is in cruise control as the love interest, never stepping out of her comfort zone. Jeff Bridges is an enigmatic figure, Gillian Anderson and Danny Huston are great as well. Megan Fox, last seen in ‘Transformers’, is smokin’ hot! Nuff Said there.

The story is laggy. You know what’s going to happen, so you almost want it to get there already. There are numerous funny moments but they are spaced out too much. While the romantic comedy side of things isn’t terrible, it almost feels like it takes away from what it wants to be.

This movie apparently bombed in the US and I don’t think it’s hard to see why. It has a lot of potential but doesn’t seem to deliever. Good for a few laughs and definitely a step up from Pegg’s last Hollywood(-ish) effort (‘Run Fatboy, Run’) but fans of his earlier stuff (‘Shaun of the Dead’, ‘Hot Fuzz’) will be disappointed.

2.5 out of 5.

Movie Review: Burn After Reading

BURN AFTER READING
Main Players: George Clooney, Frances McDormand, John Malkovich, et al.
Calling the shots: Ethan & Joel Coen
Running time: 96mins
What's it about? Recently discharged CIA man Osbourne Cox (Malkovich) begins to write his memoirs only to have it fall into the hands of two simple-minded gym employees (McDormand & Pitt) who starts a chain of events that ends up in one big mess. Welcome to our pointless world of infidelity, superficiality and stupidity.

What did I think? It’s vintage Coen’s. After (finally) winning an Oscar for “No Country For Old Men”, the Coens’ were on top of the world. It seemed they could do no wrong. And they simply haven’t put a foot wrong here giving us the same style of film, just a hell of a lot funnier.

There also lies its biggest weakness. If you don’t enjoy the Coens’ style of films then you’re probably not going to like this one. It is like an acquired taste after all. But if you do, this is a joy to watch. With precision directing and a very quirky, a very witty script which is performed by a fantastic cast of actors, it just makes this movie work. Deliberate in its pace, to allow for the story telling to take place, and laugh out loud funny, in certain memorable scenes. The CIA big heads and his “invention” come to mind.

The case I mentioned earlier is just terrific. Clooney, in his nth time working with the Coens, is great as always, as is McDormand, Jenkins and Swinton. But the standouts here are clearly: John Malkovich, who has his insane/angry face on and you just can’t help but laugh at his rage, and a scene stealing turn from Brad Pitt, who has never been funnier, more likeable than this.

The story is developed so well that you can’t help but sympathise with each of the characters (in one way or another) no matter how dumb they are in their actions.

You’ll really need to go into this movie with an open mind or at least an understanding of what the Coen Brothers’ films are like to appreciate this. Otherwise you might find yourself walking out of this film not knowing what the hell just hit you.

3.5 out of 5.

Movie Review: Max Payne

MAX PAYNE
Main Players: Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Beau Bridges, et al
Calling the shots: John Moore
Running time: 100mins
What's it about? Detective Max Payne (Wahlberg) is a shell of a man. Still unable to get closure on the seemingly random killings of his wife and child, he has buried himself deep within the Cold Case unit to uncover the truth and serve vengeance. When he gets wind of a possible connection between a current case and his, he will stop at nothing to find the truth.

What did I think? Here comes another one. Video game adaptations have been notoriously bad. This one had potential though. The trailers looked cool and it stars one of the most popular actors today. Get ready to be disappointed.

Visually, this movie is super-cool. Stylish and colour-faded to give it that unique look, it’s a work of art. Billed as “this year’s Sin City”, it’s not quite that, giving you more of a “300” or “30 Days of Nights” feel but like I said it looks cool. The action sequences aren’t too bad either. They’ve unnecessarily overloaded it with bullet-time scenes but apparently that’s what the game is known for.

That’s where the praises end.

The plot line is complete rubbish. It’s not developed very well either. A lot of shit seems to happen without much explanation, confusing you when you don’t need to be and moves along so slowly it’s sleep inducing. If that’s not enough it has the most predictable and obvious conclusion you will find. Trust me; you’ll see it coming a mile away.

As much as I like Mark Wahlberg, I’m not sure if he can carry a movie on his own. He seemed very monotone and almost as if he just phoned it in. Mila Kunis (known for her role in “That 70’s Show”) is seriously miss-cast as the assassin chick and as is Ludacris, as the IA cop. Look out though, for Olga Kurylenko (the new Bond Girl) and Chris O’Donnell, who have short but important and impressive roles.Only thing that can be praised here is how it looks. Even that isn’t enough to keep you interested the whole way. Only check it out if you’re a fan, curious or bored.

2 out of 5.

Movie Review: Body of Lies

BODY OF LIES
Main Players: Leonardo DiCaprio, Russell Crowe, et al.
Calling the shots: Ridley Scott
Running time: 128mins
What's it about? CIA operative Roger Ferris (DiCaprio) is the man on the ground. He is essentially undercover making friends and enemies a like while trying to take down terrorists in the Middle East. Ed Hoffman (Crowe) is the man back in Washington giving all the orders, without emotion or consideration, for the "greater good". When they get close to a big name they've been after they need to figure out a way to trust each other and others involved to take him down.

What did I think? There has been a lot of movies about terrorism in the Middle East. So much so that "in'shallah" and "halal ahkbah" (apologies for the spelling) are so commonly used. The thing that sets this movie apart is the actors and directors.

Say what you will about Ridley Scott. He is a masterful storyteller. The plot is fairly complex and in the wrong hands it could have been a muddled mess. Scott handles it very well making it rather easy to follow. He carries on the same style from 'American Gangster', almost having the same feel just VERY different subject matters. That would also contribute to how much you like this film; Cops and criminals or Terrorists in the Middle East.

Russell Crowe, who gained a lot of weight to play this role, is solid as always. He and Scott have worked together so many times, I'm sure it's almost like second nature. Leonardo DiCaprio, continues his trend of mature roles and is as reliable as ever. I did however feel as though Crowe was a little underutilised and DiCaprio has been better. Mark Strong, who plays Hani, played it by the numbers.

For you action seekers though, there aren't enough set pieces to keep you entertained. The action sequences that it does have is incredible. It's a very solid espionage thriller and so watch it like one.

It's an enjoyable movie but it never reaches a peak that you expect it to reach and is just consistent through out.

3.5 out of 5.

Movie Review: Choke

CHOKE
Main Players: Sam Rockwell, Anjelica Huston, Kelly Macdonald, et al.
Calling the shots: Clark Gregg
What's it about? Victor is a sex addict. And like most addicts, he's struggling to get over the said addiction. He's stuck on step 4. What ever step 4 is. To make things worse he's a tour guide (though he denies that) at a Colonial America themed park and he's mother is in the hospital with dementia. He also begins a bizarre relationship with his mothers doctor. All the while trying to come to terms with the terrible child life he had. He even "pretends" to choke at restaurants to be rescued and feel "loved". Yeah...weird.

What did I think? Well...much like my summery of the plot, I found it a little weird. It wasn't very well made is the problem. And though I haven't read the book, surely it's much better than this.

Given that the book which the film is based on is written by Chuck Palahniuk, the man behind 'Fight Club', I expected a whole lot more. But than again that's probably unfair to do. Like I mentioned before, the directing wasn't exactly great. It was competent enough but there wasn't anything significant about it. The movie felt like it was in first gear all the way through and just got stuck on the clutch. Perhaps having first time director and many times TV star Clark Gregg behind the lens didn't do the book justice. At times it did have a TV feel to the film.

The actors though did a fantastic job. Sam Rockwell is a totally underrated actor who always performs strongly and is no different here. He pulls off a very difficult role rather convincingly for what it is. Anjelica Huston, now well and truly a screen veteran, is also as solid as ever. The supporting actors do just enough as well.

It's a very hard movie to enjoy. It has a few funny moments but it's mostly snickers or the "OMG I can't believe they..." types. The story as you can tell is very weird and strange and is not delivered cohesively enough.

All in all disappointing for the potential it had and the performance delivered.

2 out of 5.

Movie Review: Babylon A.D.

BABYLON A.D.
Main Players: Vin Diesel, Michelle Yeoh, Mélanie Thierry, et al.
Calling the shots: Mathieu Kassovitz
What's it about? In the not too distant future, Toorop (Diesel) a Mercenary is hired to transport a "package" to New York. This "package" turns out to be a girl (Thierry), who is completely shurrounded in mystery and seems definite that is more than she seems. But what is her secret and what is in New York?

What do I think? I suppose a big "welcome back" is in order for the once all macho Vin Diesel. The last movie I can recall he was in is 'The Pacifier' and we all know how THAT turned out. lol.

Having said that though, this isn't exactly a triumph. Yes it's an action and yes it's Diesel at his best, but the movie is a little shoddy. The action set pieces are pretty good, but some of the camera work is so bad that it'll make you more dizzy than excited. It's not all together original either. The not-too-distant future here is a place you've seen before. Not all that different, a lot rundown, with some technological advances.

The storyline is pretty shocking as well. There doesn't seem to be much character development at all, leaving the the three leads fending for themselves and it ends as if they'd just gotten tired of making this film. I mean what the hell happened to the organisation that was led by Charlotte Rampling. Did they just give up?

Vin Diesel is in his element here. And he does just what he needs too. Michelle Yeoh though seemed like an odd choice and doesn't really bring anything of significance to the table. It stars some veterans of the screen. Charlotte Ramploing I mentioned before but also Gérard Depardieu. They must be wondering why the hell they got involved in this in the first place.

It's a stock standard sci-fi action that'll probably bore you, more than excite you. See it, if you must.

2 out of 5.

Movie Review: WALL-E

WALL-E
Main players: WALL-E, E.V.E, M.O.P, et al (lol. :P)
Calling the shots: Andrew Stanton
What's it about? It's the very distant future and Earth has become inhabitable. Left with heaps and heaps of trash, the WALL-E robot is designed to clean Earth up. Along comes E.V.E. a robot sent by human's to see if Earth is at all habitable again. Sparks literally fly when these two drones meet and it might just be up to these two to save the day.

What do I think? I love Wall-E! And so should all of you! It's another Pixar masterpiece, and it might just be the best one yet. It definitely replaces Monsters Inc. as my favourite pixar.

The animation is just stunning. From it's early days in Toy Story, it has always been the benchmark in CGI and animation technology but it's almost as though they've found another level here. Sure the human's look a little unrealistic here but it's no different then The Incredibles and it's also probably the point. How much we've evolved (devolved) in this future. It's also amazing how much emotion they can show on a robot. They never say more than one word at a time, yet we know how each is feeling.

The story is also simple yet somewhat relevant and relatable. The love between Wall-E and EVE, is well drawn and just like any other romance on screen. The fight to save Earth and humanity is relevant as ever. It does scream "Go Green!" and "Comsumerism" a little bit, but not enough, as other have suggested, to call it preachy.

If that isn't enough to entice you to see it, WALL-E is just so gosh darn cute. lol. :P Also the animation short that accompanies this is funny and highly enjoyable. All in all, you'll just have a blast watching it! So do it!

5 out of 5!

Movie Review: The Bank Job

The Bank Job

Main players: Jason Statham, Saffron Burrows, et al

Calling the shots: Roger Donaldson

What's it about? A gang of local "villains" are recruited to pull off a bank heist by an old friend. It seemed simple enough, get in, take what you can, get out. But in this based on a true story tale, nothing goes smoothly and anything and everything that can go wrong does...

What do I think? Can I just say, I love the "old school" feel of the poster I found for this (see right). It's great. ANYway...

There are so many of these British crime-capers and they all seem to star Jason Statham. :P That's not a bad thing though mind you, they are always loads of fun and this one is no different.

Humourous at times and necessarily violent and harsh when it needs to be, it has a great balance and is blessed with good direction and an enjoyable script. The cast is also believable and they have the right chemistry to make it work. The fact that this film is based on a true story makes this film all the more intriguing, just because of the "strange-but-true" circumstances that befall our protagonists.

Jason Statham (in need of a shave here) plays his usual charming lead man well and Saffron Burrows brings a femme fatalé-mysterious character to life. The supporting cast is typically British and they are wonderful.

If you've seen the likes of "Snatch" and "Lock Stock..." and similar British capers, you know what you're in for and as always, it's an enjoyable ride.

4 out of 5.

Greatest movie character of all time...

In the November issue of EMPIRE magazine, a list of the 100 Greatest Movie Characters of All Time (as voted by the readers) were revealed. You really couldn't argue with the top 10:

1. 1. Indiana Jones (pictured, left) - Indiana Jones series, played by Harrison Ford
2. 2. The Joker - Batman (Jack Nicholson), The Dark Knight (Heath Ledger)
3. 3. Darth Vader - Star Wars eps 3-6 (David Prowse, voiced by James Earl Jones)
4. 4. Jack Sparrow - Pirates 1-3 (Johnny Depp)
5. Hannibal Lector - Lector trilogy (Anthony Hopkins)
6. James Bond - 007 series (Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, Daniel Craig)
7. Tyler Durden - Fight Club (Brad Pitt)
8. Han Solo - Star Wars eps 4-6 (Harrison Ford)
9. Forrest Gump - Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks)
10. The Terminator - Terminator series (Arnold Schwarzenegger)

Only one that raised my eyebrow in the top 10 was Tyler Durden. But there's no doubt he is a truly memorable character. Agree, disagree with the list?

Interesting to note was of the 100 characters only 12 were female. And the first female character does not appear until no.18 with Dorothy Gale from The Wizard of Oz. Proving that there are no real "strong" female roles in Hollywood or else where these days. It's a shame because there are so many talented actresses.

cíao,

Ippei

Movie Review: Eagle Eye

EAGLE EYE
Main players: Shia LaBeouf, Michelle Monaghan, Billy Bob Thornton, et al.
Calling the shots: D.J. Caruso
What’s it about? Two everyday people; slacker Jerry (LaBeouf) and single mum Rachel (Monaghan), are seemingly selected at random to complete dangerous tasks by a mysterious female voice over the phone. Why were they chosen and why are they made to do these things? And with several government officials chasing them, can they survive and clear their name at the same time?

What do I think? Without giving away too much of the plot, it’s probably easiest to describe it as “I, Robot” minus the robots…if that makes any sense to you. Lol.

The first half hour or so is surprisingly slow and boring. It feels like a lot of random things happen without explanation.

The action literally picks up as soon as the phone calls start and at its best, it’s an exciting action-thriller. The car chase involving the wrecking yard is particularly memorable; as is the chase in the baggage claim at the airport. But its intrigue quickly wears off and becomes a mish-mash of several other movies.

It is also let down by a poor and clichéd ending which feels VERY Hollywood.

The movie plays on our reliance on technology and our fear that we might always be under surveillance. I mean think about it, this shit could really happen to you! :P

Hollywood’s current “it” boy, LaBeouf, continues his good work from his previous films (though they all seem very similar) playing the lead as a relatable everyday Joe. Monaghan is also good as the single mum who’d do anything for her son. Thornton plays his agent role by the numbers and Rosario Dawson brings a touch of ‘sexy’ to the cast. Fans of TV’s “The Shield” will be happy to see Michael Chiklis on screen, though he is completely underutilized.

“Eagle Eye” has its flaws but if you like your action and the whole cyber-warfare trend, it’s definitely worth a look. Just don’t expect to be “wow”-ed, like the trailers might have.

3 out of 5

South American dreaming...

Coming off of a lengthy lay off, I need a holiday. Not the stay at home, do nothing kind. But a real getaway kind. Go somewhere I've never been (or at least haven't been for a while), experience a different culture even if for a little while.

It was all planned out mind you. I was to take a trip to Shanghai, Hong Kong and Taipei with Toby, Yi, Emma, Makka and Oendrila early next year. But because of my time away from work, I'll need to build back up my leave again. Bummer.

So, this supposed "getaway" won't happen in the near future but when it does, I know where I wanna go. I don't even know where the inspiration (or rather the fascination) came from. I guess thinking about all the places i hadn't and wanted to go, it just stood out.

I even went as far as to buy a Lonely Planet's Guide on the continent. "South America on a shoe string". ha! Impulse buy? Maybe (it had a little to do with Borders having a sale and Bri's suggesting). But the motivation to one day head there is real.

The Amazon. Easter Island. Machu Picchu. The Galápagos. Carnivalé. It is such a interesting place with vast cultures, yet similar in someways.

Now I'm a terrible reader, so I'm only up to Argentina in the book (the countries are listed alphabetically. :P ) but it already sounds amazing. Perhaps to follow the road the Ché travelled or to visit where Evita left her mark. The options are limitless.

Talking to Heidi about her trip to Brazil recently has also been good, though I'll need to talk more in depth with her about it.

Spanish is something I need to learn, I figure. Maria has offered to teach me some, but perhaps proper classes are in order as well (last check $250 for a 10-week course) but not so cheap. It's okay though; i have time. And now that I'm working, I'll HAVE money. Not now but eventually. :P

cíao (if only I had learned Spanish in school and not Italian...not that i had a choice or cared back then),
Ippei K.

So, that's what it means...

Ever had a day when you woke up and something wasn't quite right?

And not because you have the serious case of the hangovers or jet lag, but just feel...different?

I apologise for the cryptic-ness, but I recently found out what it is like to "get up on the wrong side of the bed". And it isn't exactly pleasant to say the least.

You wake up and the first thing you realise is you don't feel like yourself. Nothing looks different, but something's definitely a skew. You try to get on with the day just like any other; Have a shower. Change into your clothes for the day. Pack a bag for the gym. Go downstairs to get something to eat. Yet you find yourself not moving at all. You realise you're still in your pajama pants and with the remains of your hair product still there.

And then as the time ticks over you feel less and less like doing anything you had planned for the day. Maybe it's too early. You try to sleep it off, forgoing your morning, only to wake up with day half over and still feeling no better.

It was a weird feeling. Not least of all because I'd never felt like that before but actually quite scary because you can't figure out why you were feeling that way. And i still don't know. All I can say is I rolled off the wrong side of my bed and into bizzaro-world. Funny, because there is only one way to roll off my bed. lol.

Never the less, that was a one day thing and I've been fine since. Here's to hoping it doesn't happen again anytime soon, or at least when it does I can figure it out.

cíao,
Ippei K.

On rehab...(no, no, no)

Didn't realise it'd been this long since the last post.

I've moved right along with my knee. Now walking limp-free...kinda. But the discomfort in the knee still remains. The flexibility isn't quite there yet and can't bend as deep as my left.

The picture to the left (or above, if you're reading this in Facebook) is the scars left from my surgery. It's not as bad as I initially thought it'd look. It's almost like someone was trying to play naughts and crosses on my knee but just couldn't figure out how.

If you feel where the long scar is, you can definitely feel some metal under there. Which, of course, is supposed to be the case as I have two screws in my knee now (awesome!). I can feel it moving around sometimes when I bend, which I'm actually not sure if that's a good thing or not. I wonder if I'll beep at the airport. hmm...

As you can also see, they shaved my knee for the surgery so it looked quite hideous for a while. Think Steve Carrell's chest in "The 40 Year Old Virgin" and you'll get the picture. It's almost back to normal now so it's all good.

They've told me that the knee is actually doing well, and look strong. The physio exercises (as boring as they are) seem to be working. I've started going back to the gym and started swimming lately to help the healing. I got myself a Wii as well, which has kept me entertained the past week (Mario Kart Wii is awesome!).

I've also been out and about, watching as many movies as possible and hanging out with friends which is nice.

I have been given a return date to playing basketball again. April 2009. Damn. It's so close yet so very very far. I intend to be in the best shape of my life by that time so here's to hoping. lol. I'm also headed back to work soon. Which is great, because I'll actually have something to do. Plus I miss everyone at work. The week of the 18th people. soon. soon.

In the meantime, it's a great feeling to finally have my life returning to normal (or at least what feels like).

Peace,

Ippei K.

On recovery...

God I hate stairs. I never had an issue with them before but then you introduce a crippling situation into the relationship and man, can they be a bitch. As friends who have visited me can attest too, I take forever to get up and down the stairs and it frustrates me to no end. And this is after over two weeks of recovery time...

Two weeks ago, as I was leaving the hospital the physiotherapist came in to "teach" me how to use the crutches. I remember getting out of bed for the first time after surgery because it hurt like hell. I had the splint on (pictured) and my leg felt heavy. Then as you stand and rest it down, because you can't put any weight on it, the blood just rushes straight down and cause a throbbing sensation. It does pass, but initially, you don't even want to move.

Getting back home and straight up the stairs i went. 1 step at a time, literally. Hardly moved since.

I was prescribed four types of painkillers so i had dad go out and get them as soon as possible. Panadol and Nurofen, boring but effective. Zydol and Endone. The latter I've not tried...scratch that, needed.

Zydol is awesome. IF you take it properly. You take it, it completely gets rid of the pain. Wonderful stuff. One morning though, I woke up to intense pain. The worst I'd had, almost to the point of unbearable. Now to this point I'd had dad bring me food, so I had nothing to eat around me. I knew it probably wasn't the best thing to do but I just needed the fix. lol.

Bad move.

The whole day I felt like shit. It's one those nauseating feelings. You just sit up and you feel like throwing up. I stayed lying down the whole day unable to even lift my head without feeling dizzy. Listening to the footy on the radio didn't help either because Carlton lost to Sydney.

I learnt my lesson though. I've stopped taking them. Instead I've shifted my focus to my liquor wall. I've been taking "shots" of whisky for the pain. First Glenny, now Johnnie Black. I don't know why I didn't do that from the beginning. Not only does it make the pain go away (admittedly not completely), it also makes me happy and it tastes good. And NO. I'm not becoming an alcoholic. lol.

The splint is also off now. It got so itchy I couldn't wear it anymore. I do put it back on before going to sleep, just in case I have one of my many dreams about becoming a kung-fu master. :P (well, not really but y'know.)

So what have I been doing? Mostly on my arse, watching TV, DVD or playing PS2. I'm not much of a reader so no books.

I've been letting my beard grow and after two weeks I can safely say I've never looked dirtier. Add to the fact I've hardly showered, making the grouse-ness factor ten fold. I have washed my hair a few times now, and it took all the creativity I had in me.

Towel around my waist so the bandages don't get wet. Leaning into the shower just to wash my hair. I tell you, after the first time (which was incidentally after over a WEEK of not washing) it felt so good, it was almost orgasmic. :P

Now tomorrow, I go back into the hospital to get my wound checked out. See how it's healing and all. And to also start on my physio. I'll be walking in there like 'House'. Just needing a cane and avoiding all the stairs. ha.

Peace,

Ippei K.

On surgery...

9 days...

That's how long it's been since the surgery. And as much as I've complained, bitched and moaned it's gone by fairly quickly. But Fuck I'm bored.

I hoped that at least I'd come out of it with an impressive story to tell. Not the case unfortunately. I didn't even get to do the whole "count backwards from ten" thing as they put me under the anaesthesia. It was more like, 'fade to black aaaaaand we're back'.

I did wake up with an oxygen mask, an blood pressure belt, finger pulse-thingy AND most importantly the morphine button. Although they called it something else...hmmm...

Anyway, the button. As soon as they handed me the button, I kept pressing it like crazy. Mind you, I was "in pain" but probably not enough to warrant the amount of times I pressed it. But unbeknownst to me (at the time and found out later), the button had a light. And unless it was lit up, it didn't allow any "morphine" into my system. I have no idea how long it took to re-light so I probably had enough for the night because I didn't need to use the button the rest of my stay.

The rest of the stay was rather uneventful. But you people have no idea how hard it is to pee in a bottle. Let me explain. Every time I needed to pee (and ironically it happened a lot), I had to ask for a "bottle". I offered to go to the toilet but nurses weren't comfortable about getting out of bed. So they got me the said bottle. Now I was curtained off from everyone (thank god), but it is still incredible difficult to go. And who knows how loud the, lets just say, "discharge" sounded.

Other than that, the food was bad but that was to be expected and they kicked me out of the hospital after a night's stay. Now I've been home on my arse, presumably getting fat from the lack of exercise. I still haven't showered since which I HATE. And I've also let my beard grow out.

Today, I decided to throw on a hat because the hair was so itchy now I look like someone trying to be incognito. If only I was going somewhere...

Peace,
Ippei K.

Not long now...

For those uninitiated, I have a torn ACL (Anterior Cruciate Ligament). *psst! That's in the knee!* It happened over a year ago. Only now am I scheduled in for surgery. It's kinda frustrating but it's exciting at the same time.

14th of July is the date. So if you're planning to have any events from that date and onwards for about a month, don't expect me to attend (not that you'd want me there anyway. :P) Unless that is, of course, you would like a one legged man getting drunk and doing a one-legged jig (assuming it IS that type of event). Actually, that sounds hilarious. I'm in. Just don't YouTube me. :P

About a month ago, I went into the Royal Melbourne for a "check up", I guess you'd call it. It was nothing more than 3 meetings (one with the anesthesia doc, the nurse and the surgeon) that lasted a total of about 30minutes. It doesn't sound too bad, had I not been at the hospital for 5-freakin'-HOURS!

Anyway, they explained to me that I'll only be in the hospital for two days. Woot. I hoped it'd be longer, as my house is not exactly suited for recovering from leg injuries. Anyone who's been here before will know what I'm talking about. The stairs alone will be a bitch.

They are going to give me both general and local anesthesia. Which means I'll off in la-la land while they fix my knee and when I wake up, i won't be able to feel my leg. Once the pain does kick in, they'll have a morphine drip ready for me to go. Can't wait for that part. I think it'll be amusing to visit me in hospital when I'm goofed up on morphine. hahaha. The random spaced out looks, speech slurs and uncontrollable laughter. "I loooooooooooooooove youuuuuuuuu!"

Recovery time is going to be long and slow. But with any hope, I'll be able to at least "limp-walk" after a month. It'll be a while still before I'll be able to play basketball again, but I can taste it already. Anticipation is killing me actually. I really can't wait. Some friends and I have talking about starting a team, so it's exciting times a head.

With any hope though, I'll be recovered enough by my birthday to "do" something this year. But knowing me, I probably won't. I'm turning double-dozen and I'll have nothing to show for it but a scar on my knee.

Ippei.

"S" for...

Superman!

...nah, I only wish that...though the Kryptonite thing is a bitch...

Anyway, what the "S" really is for is my new clothes size. Yes, I know. WHAT?! I hear you. I never thought I'd see the day either. Not that I feel any smaller, or look it...probably.

A few people recently have been telling me that I've lost weight. I'm always like "pfft, whatever." But when your dad, someone that sees you all the time, says it. It must be true, right?

My clothes have seemed a lot looser on me lately. But then again, I always where baggy clothes. Having to wear my suit to work, it's become blatantly obvious that my suit is waaay to big for me. It has been three years since i bought it, so that shows how much i've changed. I guess. Let's see how long I can keep this up. I reckon the winter days might do more harm to me though. hahaha. We'll see.

For now, I'll be calling on my fashion consultants (ie. Sabrina and Heidi) for further clothing advice when I feel like another retail therapy session. The most recent last Friday. Due to a combination of a shitty day at work and sales going on in a lot of stores. I came out the other end (ooo, that doesn't sound right) with three spiffy business shirts, a military-inspired wash shirt, a cardigan and a new suit...which I still need to pick up. mmmm...I should probably get on to that...

Now...to hit the gym more often so I can "look" more like Superman...hahahaha, and I almost said that with a straight face. hahahahaha.

peace,

Ippei.

Spending Spree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Money. I never really had any in the past to use. That never stop me from use it though. Credit cards, what a thing of beauty they are. When I first got them, I always paid the balance on time. Sound impressive? Not really. Because it was petty amounts anyway. But I haven't seen a zero balance in a looooooong while. That's not about to change.

In the span of a week, I've spent close to 2 grand. 2 GRAND! In years gone by, that amount of spend would have been unheard of for me. Right now, it seems reasonable. Gosh, I sound obnoxious. hahaha.

On Sunday, as the Country Road voucher was expiring, I went to by some clothing items. New shirt, new top and new t-shirt. Then I figured, since I was out, I might as well get shoes. Aquila outlet, two pairs, second pair half price. Boxset of DVDs. A wireless router. Cough Syrup. Value, 700-ish.

I'm loving the shoes, except one of 'em is giving me blisters. I leave the house in pain but I get used to it during the day, then come home and take them of it's like a release.

The following Saturday, I decided to go and get myself a TV and DVD player. Panasonic Viera 26-inch, wide screen LCD. The DVD player is awesome too. I've been watching DVDs on my laptop, so now it's a joy just watching TV. I leave it on for the hell of it when I'm in the room because it's so clear! Value, 1.2K-ish.

So there you have it my little splurge session. I hadn't had one in a while, so it was great. You think I'm spending too much? Probably, but meh. What's money for if you don't spend it?

Relax and treat yourself...

One more thing I want to mention about Japan before I forget are the Onsen.

Onsen are the bath houses in Japan. Think "Spirited Away" but not as grand, depending on which one you go to. But they all have their charm and the basics remain the same.

Now, for you westerners it maybe a shock to the system but you must enter them starkers. You get to carry in a hand towel, but that's about it. Out of respect for the other you cover yourself as you walk around...or not, if you are so inclined.

The great thing about the Onsen is the variety. They is the aroma bath. Each time you go in it's a different scented bath ranging from Peppermint to Lemon. There are your jet-powered Jaccuzi style bath. And also outdoor bath, which is great in Winter. And what surprised me was the electro-bath. They are little currents running in the bath. It's not dangerous mind, if you sit between the sides, it just feels like you're having never-ending pins and needles. lol. There is also the pure cold water bath, if you feel a little too over cooked or brave enough to jump straight in.

Asides from the bath themselves, they also have Saunas. They are awesome. If you can stay in there longer then about 15 minutes, big ups to you.

After taking a dip, the saunas and anything else you decide to get (messages, Korean-style rub downs, etc.) what awaits you is after bath beer and food!

It might not sound all that interesting, but it's a big part of Japanese culture and history, if you ask me. So if you do ever go to Japan, do not miss out on the Onsen experience. You'll never be more satisfied to see so many of the same sex naked. :P

Ippei.

The food, the food. All the glorious food!

If there ever was a reason to go back to Japan for me (y'know, besides seeing family and visiting "home" and what not), is all the food. I cannot tell you in my limited vocabulary how GOOD the food is back there. And cheap too! ...if you know where to look.

Being back there for only a week this time 'round, I didn't get the chance to have "everything" I wanted. But I made damn sure I had what I really wanted.

Ramen - You cannot go to Japan without having some ramen noodles. Depending on which area of Japan you go to, you'll get different flavours of it. But being a Kyushu-boy, the Kyushu-style pork-stock flavoured "Tonkotsu" ramen is the best there is.

Now this one place that my uncle to me to, they had the tasty ramen EVER! When it was served it wasn't steaming at all. I'm like what the hell? But the bowl was certainly hot. I soon discovered that there was a layer of oil on top of the soup, which kept the temperature entrapped. So no matter how long it took you to touch the damn thing (but why delay), it was as hot as it could ever be. It was damn large bowl too. All for just 500yen ($5AUD more or less).

Yakitori - It translate literally to grilled chicken. But it's so much more. Everything will come on skewers and cooked right in front of you. Every part of the chicken is available, the skin, liver, wings, breast, you name it. And all grilled to perfection. But you can also have your choice of other meets including but not limited to pork shank and pork ribs, etc. They are sooooo good and go for about 70-100yen per skewer (70cents - $1AUD).

Okonomiyaki and yakisoba - Now the best of these can be found it's origin of the Kansai area. But where ever you get it in Japan (mostly) it's sure as hell beats anything you get in Australia. Again cooked right in front of you with your choice of toppings, usually a selection or all of pork, squid, lettuce, egg, etc. The Okonomiyaki is a glorified pancake. Topped with some mayo, sauce, green seaweed and fish shavings. Eat it while it's hot! Yakisoba is fried noodles, essentially cooked on the same pan as the Okonomiyaki, adding that extra flavour to it. It comes wrapped in an omelet. Depending on what you have 500-900yen ($5 -$9AUD)

Ah, crap I'm getting hungry typing this. I'll finish with one more...

Sushi - Now, this is the only thing that wasn't "cheap". It goes for a decent price, BUT it's worth every penny/cent/yen/dollar/all the currency in the world! Now you would expect raw fish to taste all that different right? WRONG! OMG how wrong we can be. The Toro (the fattiest part of the tuna, almost light pink-ish in colour), is THE BEST sushi/sashimi you can have. It quite simply melts in your mouth! And it's so full of flavour, every time I ate it, it made me smile (but I'm weird like that). 5,000yen - 10,000yen ($50 - $100AUD) for a platter depending on what you order.

And there you have it. It's quite a misconception that Japan is expensive. With the dollar as strong as it is now, Japan is relatively cheaper...well, at least in terms of food and groceries. You could live of about $15 dollars a day on food I reckon, if you don't need to eat large. You can get really good lunch boxes at 7-Eleven or similar convenience stores (of all places) for about $5. And trust me when I say, they are REALLY good.

Anyway, I reckon I gained about 10kgs whilst on my trip. A kilo a day, that's not bad, eh?

Anyone wanna come with me on my next trip back? ...when ever that'll be... :P

Peace,
Ippei.

It's all in the family!

Argh, my lazy bones have attacked me again...

Before I post any more about my latest Japan-trip, (already over two week ago!) I thought I might post the photo above.

It's of the Kadota and Nakamura cousins (only missing the Fukushima cousins, from mum's side of the family). It's quite possibly my favourite photo of the moment. :)

It's especially great because I don't know when the next time I'll get to see them will be (hopefully sooner rather than later). But also the joy of seeing them everytime is encaptured in this photo. It was so touching that when I mentioned I was only there for a week, there's response was "Why?!" lol. All of them also, either saw me off, early on a Sunday morning, at the house or the airport. It's a great feeling. I definitely felt the love. Thanks guys! (Not that you'll ever read this. :P)

Peace,
Ippei.

27...30...3...?

I'm back! ...not that I was gone for all that long, but still!

I was going to blog during my trip, but the combination of eating, meeting up with people, and cold-ness...well, you know the same old story. A week was hardly enough, so I really had no time blogging whilst I was there!

Anyways, the first thing that hit was the change in temperature. It was expected but, it was much more drastic than I had imagined. As the title suggests:

27 degrees. The temperature in Melbourne when I left. It had been rather cold-ish (at least for Melbourne at this time of year) the past few days, so mother nature of Melbourne was giving me a nice warm send off, with the return of the uncompromising sun glare.

30 degrees. It was slightly hotter when I landed in Singapore. The bad thing is that it stayed that temperature (or there abouts) for most of the night and following day. It was that kind of mucky, humid weather. You just start sweating, standing there.

3 degrees?! Bloody hell! As soon as I landed, on went a sweater, a big wintry jacket, beanie and scarf. It was literally like that scene from "Cool Runnings". It was just cold, the wind chill was nasty! It cut through your clothes and to your bones!

So there I was traveling from a place where:
if you wore thongs, you'd get sunburned (and I have my foot to prove that!) to a place where,
if you wore thongs, you'd sweat like you've been working out to a place where,
if you wore thongs, you'd get frostbite and your toes would fall off!

Really made me appreciate how BIG, our small world really is...

peace,
Ippei.